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Grief & Loss
One family member may want to talk, another may go quiet, and a child may show grief through behaviour, sleep changes, anger or questions. Here is how grief can affect family life, what may help, and when counselling can support you.
Many people expect grief to move in a straight line. They imagine the first weeks will be the hardest, then things will slowly begin to feel easier. Sometimes that happens. Often, grief is much less predictable.
A person may feel steady one day, then be overwhelmed by a song, a date, a smell, a school event or an empty chair at the table. A child may seem fine, then suddenly become unsettled at bedtime. One parent may need to talk about the person who died, while another may cope by staying busy or quiet. These responses do not mean your family is grieving incorrectly. Grief is a natural response to loss, and people cope with grief in different ways.
Grief can affect emotions, behaviour, relationships, concentration, sleep and the body. It may not look the same from person to person.
Adults may notice:
Children and teenagers may show grief through:
Grief affects the whole person. It is not only an emotional experience. It can also affect the nervous system, memory, attention, routines and relationships.
After a significant loss, the brain and body may stay alert for danger or change. This can make it harder to sleep, focus, relax or feel settled. The person who died may have been part of everyday routines, emotional safety, identity and future plans. When that person is no longer there, the mind has to slowly adjust to a world that feels unfamiliar. This is one reason grief can come in waves. A person may understand the loss intellectually, but their body, habits and relationships may still expect the person to be there.
Grief may feel more difficult when:
Grief is rarely shaped by one thing. Most families are carrying a mix of emotions, responsibilities, memories and practical pressures.
One common misunderstanding is that grief follows neat stages. For most people, grief is not a checklist. A person may feel sadness, anger, relief, guilt, numbness and love in the same week, or even the same day.
Another misunderstanding is that children who are playing are not grieving. Children often move in and out of grief. They may ask a deep question, then go back to playing. This can be part of how children process difficult experiences in manageable pieces.
Research recognises that grief varies widely. Most grief is not a mental health disorder, but some people experience prolonged, intense and impairing grief that may require more targeted support.
Bereavement support is often most helpful when it matches the person or family’s level of need. Some people benefit from information and informal support. Others may need counselling or more specialised care. For families, this matters because grief support does not need to pathologise grief. It can help people understand their reactions, reduce isolation, improve communication and find ways to keep living while still honouring the person who died.
In one family, grief may look very different across each person. One person may grieve through talking. Another may grieve through doing practical tasks. A child may ask direct questions. A teenager may withdraw. A parent may try to stay strong and then feel exhausted when alone.
It can help to think of grief as having different languages. Some people use words. Some use tears. Some use silence. Some use movement, creativity, humour, routines or practical care.
Additional support may be helpful when grief is becoming difficult to carry alone. Signs may include:
Understanding that grief is not linear can reduce shame. A difficult day does not mean someone has gone backwards. It may simply mean that a reminder, anniversary, stressor or developmental change has brought the loss closer again. Families may find it helpful to gently name what is happening:
“This is a grief wave.”
“This is a hard day because this date matters.”
“We are all missing them in different ways.”
It can also help to make space for the person who died. Families may say their name, tell stories, create a memory box, light a candle on important dates, keep a photo in a shared space, or invite children to draw, write or ask questions. Children usually need honest, age-appropriate information. Teenagers may need privacy, choice and trusted adults who do not force conversation. Counselling can provide a steady space to talk about the loss, understand different grief responses and support family communication.
Supporting someone in grief can feel difficult because there may be no perfect words. Helpful support often includes:
Try to avoid rushing someone to feel better. Grief often needs time, safety and connection.
Living with grief does not mean forgetting. It does not mean moving on as if the person did not matter. Many people describe grief as something that changes shape over time. The pain may become less constant, but the love remains. Important dates may still hurt. Unexpected reminders may still bring tears. A child may reprocess the loss at new developmental stages. A parent may feel grief differently as family life changes. Long-term support may involve learning how to carry the loss while also rebuilding connection, routine, meaning and hope.
Professional support may be helpful if grief is affecting daily functioning, family relationships, school participation, work, sleep or emotional safety. You may wish to seek support if:
At Discovery Family Therapy, we often support families who are trying to hold grief while also managing parenting, school, work, relationships and everyday life. Our approach is gentle, practical and family-focused. We help clients understand their grief responses, make space for the person who died, support children and teenagers in age-appropriate ways, and strengthen connection within the family system. You do not have to carry grief by yourself.
Grief Australia · Australian Psychological Society · WA Government grief support information
Australian Psychological Society. Grief.
CareSearch. Bereavement, grief and loss resources.
Eisma, M. C. (2023). Prolonged grief disorder in ICD-11 and DSM-5-TR.
Grief Australia. Grief and children aged 6 to 12.
Harrop, E. et al. (2020). The impacts and effectiveness of support for people bereaved through advanced illness.
National Centre for Childhood Grief. Child and family grief support.
Grief and loss counselling in South Perth and online across Australia. No referral needed.
