My teen is in therapy, and I feel shut out

Your teen is doing something many adults find hard: making time to understand themselves and working through what's on their mind. Sticking with counselling shows commitment and real maturity.

It's common for parents to feel on the outside when a teen starts therapy. Their sessions are private so they can speak freely, and that privacy is part of what makes counselling work. You still have a strong role, at home and in how you support them.

At a glance

Why is my teen's counselling private?

Privacy gives your teen room to think out loud, test ideas and find their own words, without worrying about how it sounds to someone else.

• It builds trust: Teenagers are more willing to seek help, and to keep going, when they know their conversations stay confidential.
• It supports independence: Making decisions about their own wellbeing is part of growing up.
• It has limits: If safety is at risk or the law requires it, the information needed to restore safety is shared with your teen's identified safe person and the appropriate authorities. Where it's safe, you and your teen are both told.

How can I stay involved?

• When your teen asks: If your teen requests a parent or family appointment and agrees to the counsellor contacting you, one can be arranged.
• Share what you know: You're welcome to contact us with concerns or observations. We won't pass on what your teen says in session, but your perspective is valued.
• Follow their lead: If your teen wants to share something with you, or wants help raising something at home, let them set the pace.

How do I stay connected at home?

Your relationship with your teen continues between sessions, and that's where much of the change happens.

• Invite, don't interview: "Anything you'd like from me?" opens the door without asking for details.
• Keep ordinary time ordinary: Meals, drives and shared activities don't need to turn into conversations about counselling.
• Notice their strengths: Comment on the effort, honesty or resilience you see.
• Offer practical help: A lift, a quiet space for online sessions or a reminder about appointments can make a real difference.
• Keep counselling out of disagreements: Saying "your counsellor would agree with me" puts pressure on a space that belongs to your teen.

What if I'm worried about my teen?

Trust your instincts. If you notice changes that concern you, contact us and describe what you've seen. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 000.

What about support for me?

Feeling shut out can stir up worry, sadness or frustration. Those feelings deserve care too.

• Parent Support: A space to work on your own responses, routines and connection with your teen.
• Counselling for yourself: If this is touching on your own experiences, individual counselling gives you room to explore that.

This page is general information only and isn't legal advice. For advice about your situation, speak with a family lawyer.